i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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