i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
