What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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