Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
