shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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