I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
