so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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