I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
