Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
