I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I am morally bankrupt
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
