Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
