So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
