gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
