I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
