I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
