i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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