you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize