Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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