please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
