I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
