I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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