so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
