we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
