you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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