Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
