ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
