what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
