We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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