So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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