i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
