I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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