So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
