dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
