Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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