I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
