i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
