I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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