FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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