Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
