I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
