I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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