Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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