please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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