clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
