He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
