Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
