Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
