Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
