wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
