I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
