We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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