he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
