i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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