i just had sex bonerless
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
