I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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