Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
