if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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