I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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