Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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