after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
