Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
