Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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