Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There are leaves in my underwear?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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