I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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