if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
