When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
