so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
