Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
