ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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