I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The best revenge is premature balding
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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