Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
