Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can you bring me the toilet please
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
