Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
