my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
