I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
