Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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