I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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