Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
